Thank you for sharing your stories. I also don’t drink, and it was similarly a winding road of various experiences that led me to just not wanting it. I suspect it may become less culturally important in the US over the next couple decades, in Europe I’m not so sure.
Also just wanted to say that I honor your experiences of feeling so othered during your childhood and early adulthood. It is very challenging to have been born as anything different than the norm. People are afraid of what they don’t understand. You are clearly so talented (I am enamored with your drawing style, OMG) and a brilliant writer. Thank you for sharing your gifts. Congrats on the NYT article! I am really excited to follow your journey in Paris, I feel like it will probably be magical. Hugs xx
I wonder if you're right about drinking becoming less central to our culture over time. I have been hearing from a lot of friends going sober, but then again it is January.
God, thank you for such a lucid little excerpt. This really speaks to my experience with alcohol as well. I quit drinking 4.5 years ago. I’m finally at a point where I can also just get on with the night, leave it up to the pros, and have my own version of a good time, now matter what level of consciousness or substance haze anyone else is under. I’m happy for them, I’m happy for me. It’s a very nice version of peace that works for me right now, and I loved hearing what it looks like for you. Thanks for sharing ✨
In her first year of university our daughter was asked by her fellow students to go out partying with them. She told thme that she doesn't drink. She got a blank stare back, and one of them replied, "Well, you are boring." They didn't talk with her again. Thanks for your honest perspective, as always, and congratulations on your NYT essay!
Stop me if you’ve heard this one — it won’t do any good, but you’re welcome to try — but once again your openness, insight, clarity, and fearlessness are delivered so eloquently they are elevated far beyond mere prose into something rare and diamond-like in its brilliance.
Thank you. ❤️ (And ginormous hugs on the NYT essay! 🥳)
Yeah, social drinking, it sucks overall. I stopped drinking over a decade ago - I'd go out and spend my tenner on three n' half pints over the night (I never had the constitution for serious drinking!) but then I'd wake up and be alright, then midday the hangover would kick in. You can't paint or write with a hangover, so I wasn't just losing a tenner, I was losing a day's income as well.
Sacking that off, you quickly find out who your real mates are within your circle of pub mates, the ones that respect your decision and those that try to make you drink another beer by buying you one.
I still go out to see bands in pubs now and again, or if it's an occasional birthday outing, but I'm not afraid to admit to being a none-drinker.
I think these days there is less stigma (you could pretend you are the 'designated driver') to being alcohol free in a pub, and there are certainly more alcohol-free beers and ciders than ever there used to be.
I’m not a non-drinker, but I have been thoroughly enjoying my new found selective drinking habits, after decades of auto-drinking (and often, over-drinking). Now, when I say “no thanks” or offer to drive so others can drink, I almost can’t believe I’m saying it. Until I remember the fun I’ll have watching others’ metamorphic experiences and the energy and clear head I’ll wake up with instead of a head that feels like a dirty diaper that needs changing.
I related. It’s always amazing to me how many people think you are somehow not drinking AT them. My choices about my own body have never been an indictment of others and I never assume their choices are…but when faced with people making an active choice to live life on their own terms this somehow makes people feel a lot of things they aren’t always cozy with feeling.
It’s not really that simple - but it can be simplified: if alcohol is getting in the way in your life or you are uncomfortable with it in any way it is probably time to pay attention and do something about it. There are plenty of people with alcohol use disorder who don’t drink in the morning but still have a problem.
I came across this essay, read it, thought about all of the threads and parallels and connections i had to this experience and voice… and the line… show up on a camel, that even resonated. I came to the end, and then I saw the picture of your dad. I looked you up on the internet and was thinking about all these adjacent worlds that people live in. I finally landed on “from New Haven” and kind of gasped out loud- of course, I knew your dad. Every one seems to have known him. I returned to the photo. Funny to have felt so much familiarity with your story - the parts about traveling with nothing, struggling through school, the world of not fun drinking, the assault - all of it- to discover the adjacency was also a bit real. My father in law plays New Orleans Jazz, and your dad was a multi decade installation in his life. My husband told me about your eulogy. I think your writing is beautiful. I am glad to have met you through your words and your cause. Thank you for all of this.
Loved reading your article August, can relate so deeply to the loneliness of young adulthood.
Finally as a 50 yo I can say I’ve grown into myself enough that I don’t really care what other people think about me and my sobriety. There is power in sticking to your values.
I made a very personal decision to not drink/ mess with alcohol just before I joined university. I never drank in high school.
I come from an extended family of drinkers (both on my mom and dad's side) and grew up seeing how it ruined relationships and lives firsthand. I decided not to engage.
I think what I saw growing up was really etched in my brain, that I never gave two shits when people made comments about my not drinking.
Hi read your column in the Times today so figured I'd find out who you are!Came upon the not drinking newsletter.Good stuff!Spent many years out there in the bars and now have spent many years on the sober side.Need articles like yours to keep me sane cause even after 25 + years there is still the insane pull to go back out as if there was something there for me.Take care and good luck with all you do!
Thank you for writing this piece and for being so vulnerable, August!
I resonate with your point about feeling virtuous as the only sober one at the function. I try really hard to not come off as holier than thou, or to be perceived, really, in any significant way when I'm sober around people who are drinking. I do think emulating your father in terms of being open but not showy, self-assured but not judgemental, is the way to handle these feelings.
It’s great to meet another sober August! 🥰🥰🥰
Thank you for sharing your stories. I also don’t drink, and it was similarly a winding road of various experiences that led me to just not wanting it. I suspect it may become less culturally important in the US over the next couple decades, in Europe I’m not so sure.
Also just wanted to say that I honor your experiences of feeling so othered during your childhood and early adulthood. It is very challenging to have been born as anything different than the norm. People are afraid of what they don’t understand. You are clearly so talented (I am enamored with your drawing style, OMG) and a brilliant writer. Thank you for sharing your gifts. Congrats on the NYT article! I am really excited to follow your journey in Paris, I feel like it will probably be magical. Hugs xx
I wonder if you're right about drinking becoming less central to our culture over time. I have been hearing from a lot of friends going sober, but then again it is January.
God, thank you for such a lucid little excerpt. This really speaks to my experience with alcohol as well. I quit drinking 4.5 years ago. I’m finally at a point where I can also just get on with the night, leave it up to the pros, and have my own version of a good time, now matter what level of consciousness or substance haze anyone else is under. I’m happy for them, I’m happy for me. It’s a very nice version of peace that works for me right now, and I loved hearing what it looks like for you. Thanks for sharing ✨
I'm glad to hear you've found what works for you. Took me a very long time.
In her first year of university our daughter was asked by her fellow students to go out partying with them. She told thme that she doesn't drink. She got a blank stare back, and one of them replied, "Well, you are boring." They didn't talk with her again. Thanks for your honest perspective, as always, and congratulations on your NYT essay!
Stop me if you’ve heard this one — it won’t do any good, but you’re welcome to try — but once again your openness, insight, clarity, and fearlessness are delivered so eloquently they are elevated far beyond mere prose into something rare and diamond-like in its brilliance.
Thank you. ❤️ (And ginormous hugs on the NYT essay! 🥳)
Yeah, social drinking, it sucks overall. I stopped drinking over a decade ago - I'd go out and spend my tenner on three n' half pints over the night (I never had the constitution for serious drinking!) but then I'd wake up and be alright, then midday the hangover would kick in. You can't paint or write with a hangover, so I wasn't just losing a tenner, I was losing a day's income as well.
Sacking that off, you quickly find out who your real mates are within your circle of pub mates, the ones that respect your decision and those that try to make you drink another beer by buying you one.
I still go out to see bands in pubs now and again, or if it's an occasional birthday outing, but I'm not afraid to admit to being a none-drinker.
I think these days there is less stigma (you could pretend you are the 'designated driver') to being alcohol free in a pub, and there are certainly more alcohol-free beers and ciders than ever there used to be.
So be proud of your non-drinker status :)
Some people simply don't feel comfortable around non-drinkers. It's sad seeing those people drift out of my life.
Love this post. Thank you.
I’m not a non-drinker, but I have been thoroughly enjoying my new found selective drinking habits, after decades of auto-drinking (and often, over-drinking). Now, when I say “no thanks” or offer to drive so others can drink, I almost can’t believe I’m saying it. Until I remember the fun I’ll have watching others’ metamorphic experiences and the energy and clear head I’ll wake up with instead of a head that feels like a dirty diaper that needs changing.
I related. It’s always amazing to me how many people think you are somehow not drinking AT them. My choices about my own body have never been an indictment of others and I never assume their choices are…but when faced with people making an active choice to live life on their own terms this somehow makes people feel a lot of things they aren’t always cozy with feeling.
👍👍
If your drinking in the morning you got a problem fix your shit
It’s not really that simple - but it can be simplified: if alcohol is getting in the way in your life or you are uncomfortable with it in any way it is probably time to pay attention and do something about it. There are plenty of people with alcohol use disorder who don’t drink in the morning but still have a problem.
I came across this essay, read it, thought about all of the threads and parallels and connections i had to this experience and voice… and the line… show up on a camel, that even resonated. I came to the end, and then I saw the picture of your dad. I looked you up on the internet and was thinking about all these adjacent worlds that people live in. I finally landed on “from New Haven” and kind of gasped out loud- of course, I knew your dad. Every one seems to have known him. I returned to the photo. Funny to have felt so much familiarity with your story - the parts about traveling with nothing, struggling through school, the world of not fun drinking, the assault - all of it- to discover the adjacency was also a bit real. My father in law plays New Orleans Jazz, and your dad was a multi decade installation in his life. My husband told me about your eulogy. I think your writing is beautiful. I am glad to have met you through your words and your cause. Thank you for all of this.
Loved reading your article August, can relate so deeply to the loneliness of young adulthood.
Finally as a 50 yo I can say I’ve grown into myself enough that I don’t really care what other people think about me and my sobriety. There is power in sticking to your values.
Such an enjoyable read.
I made a very personal decision to not drink/ mess with alcohol just before I joined university. I never drank in high school.
I come from an extended family of drinkers (both on my mom and dad's side) and grew up seeing how it ruined relationships and lives firsthand. I decided not to engage.
I think what I saw growing up was really etched in my brain, that I never gave two shits when people made comments about my not drinking.
Hi read your column in the Times today so figured I'd find out who you are!Came upon the not drinking newsletter.Good stuff!Spent many years out there in the bars and now have spent many years on the sober side.Need articles like yours to keep me sane cause even after 25 + years there is still the insane pull to go back out as if there was something there for me.Take care and good luck with all you do!
What got you started playing the banjo? Love your art and honest writing..
Thank you for writing this piece and for being so vulnerable, August!
I resonate with your point about feeling virtuous as the only sober one at the function. I try really hard to not come off as holier than thou, or to be perceived, really, in any significant way when I'm sober around people who are drinking. I do think emulating your father in terms of being open but not showy, self-assured but not judgemental, is the way to handle these feelings.